Monday, May 3, 2010

Toddler This Continues

Silence is heard, the voice calls out in a stage whisper to the host. “Jenn…” The proverbial crickets can be heard in response. The voice tries again, “Jenn!”
A sigh is heard off screen followed by tapping for long period of time and eventually by a groan. “She’s still visiting the house. Okay so a long time ago I did the last… erm first update. Then I got sucked in to WoW and finally played again. Trouble is no one was willing to talk to me and the update was delayed. Now of course I know ‘why’ no one is talking to me. So let’s just go to the house and see what’s going on.”

“A quick rundown on the challenge start: Christina managed to let four toddlers pass out for a total of -4 points. Last we heard Christina hired a maid. Why a maid some asked, why not a nanny? Easy! Nanny’s cost 2 points where a maid costs zero. That’s right, no penalty for a maid. On to this update, shall we?”

“I had the toddlers wake up one at a time so Christina could get them to potty and then in a crib.”
“Here we go Oydie. Upsadaisy!” Christina glances at the voice off screen. “Kind of mean to wake them up just to put them to bed, isn’t it?”
“Maybe, but the four of them need to go potty and their energy isn’t going up fast enough to compensate. Not just that but their other needs are still dropping, too.”
“Oh.” Christina waves a hand whining. “I’m still sleepy!”
“Yes well get the kids taken care of and we’ll… oops and there she goes.”

“Christina goes down for the count. This is not a good thing for her points. While I intended to lose the 2 points for using the painting, I had no intention of her passing out. This means I need to do the little cheat with the painting now to wake her hiney up.”
Christina rubs her head wincing. “You know if I had a bed and a nanny I wouldn’t lose that point.”
“That point?” The voice chuckles, “You passing out like that is five points.”
Christina pauses, her mouth drops open and she flails. “I’m at -9 points now?”
“Nope, -11 seeing how we used the painting, too.”
Christina groans. “That’s brutal.”

“Now that Christina has the last toddler tucked in its time to start over again.”
Christina pauses listening to a toddler crying. “I thought they were all asleep.”
“They were, now they’re waking up. Start with Keth, she’s in the next room and her bladder bar is dangerously low.”
Christina sighs. “Don’t tell me… I’m losing more points.”
“Not yet. If you can get her to the potty in time you erm… never mind yes, you lost another point.”

Christina pauses, wrinkles her nose and sniffs the air carefully. “What is that nasty stench?”
“That would be Keth. You may want to change her diaper and set her down. Ang is having a fit in her crib.” Wincing at the toddler curse of teeth in her chin.
Christina does the quick change without a diaper table. “Why don’t I have a changing table?”
“You didn’t wish for one.”

“Unfortunately while Christina was taking care of Ang, another toddler passed out. Looks rather painful if you ask me.”
Christina sighs. “Well no one asked.” She glances at the toddler. “Oh my gosh, what happened to her?”
The voice smirks, “I thought you didn’t care.”
“I never said that I didn’t care about the toddlers. I just didn’t care for your commentary.” Christina says this boldly in spite of her lack of control over her own future.
The voice cackles.

“Come on CeeCee, its time to get you to bed.”
“And just in time…”
Christina groans. “Don’t say it.”
The voice chuckles quietly. “I won’t have to. You’ll hear them soon enough.”
Christina flails. “I just got them to sleep!”
“Save your voice kiddo. Its totally rinse repeat at this point. Aer and Oydie are ready to get up so get the lead out.”

“The welcoming committee stayed well in to the late hours of the morning. Surprised me since I stopped feeding them and there is nothing for entertainment value save for the kids. Yet still they lingered. They were absolutely no help to any of the toddlers with the exception of Keth. She has made two acquaintances.”
“Oh good just in ti-”
“Don’t say it. Please, just don’t say it.”

Christina plops Oydie on the potty. “No, you’re supposed to sit there. Why are you fighting me?”
“See the green wafting fumes.”
Christina wrinkles her nose. “Yes, I was ignoring it.”
“That means another diaper change. -1 point.”
Christina shrugs. “Whatever, can I go pee now?”
“No you need to grab bottles for the kids.”
Jenn pipes in. “Oh and make it snappy. You know what happens when these kids get thirsty!”
“Nice of you to join us.”

Jenn waves a dismissive hand that no one can see but her. “Ya, uh huh… the maid has made her debut and will begin cleaning the dirty bottles and dishes. You might consider cleaning out the potty chairs.”
Christina scoffs. “What? She can do that! Its her job after all.”
Jenn giggles and shakes her head. “No it isn’t. You’re thinking of a nanny. They will empty the potty but a maid only picks up trash… so here’s whatcha gonna do…”

Christina recoils from the stench. “Oh that’s vile.”
Jenn nods her head. “Yup, you should be used to that part but here’s the new twist.”
“Just a second I need to take this to the-”
“That’s what I’m trying to say. Drop it, don’t take it to the bathroom.”
Jenn points to an empty spot on the tile. Christina stares at the little blue thing in her hand. “That’s gross.”
Jenn shrugs. “Not as time consuming as walking back and forth to the bathroom. This way the maid will clean up the trash.”

“Okay maybe so, but its disgusting in here!”
Jenn giggles. “Yes well…”
“Hey Jenn…”
“I’m getting sleepy again. Is she gonna get mad at me when I…”

Jenn cackles. “Roo you just lost another 7 points.”
A groans is heard from the direction of the off screen voice. “I swear she’s gonna make me look bad with all this passing out.” The voice harrumphs and sighs once more.

“So lets see… we started with a negative four points. We had two diaper changes, one passed out toddler and twice the adult passed out causing use of the painting mood altererer thingie.” She starts using her fingers to do the math. “I hate math.”
“She’s at -21 points now.”
Jenn flinches. “Should I wake her up?”
“Why, so she can cost me more points? Nah, let her sleep until next time.”
“Don’t forget its children’s week. You have a few orphans counting on you.”
The voice chuckles. “I know, I know. Don’t fret… just end this.”
Jenn shrugs and faces the camera flashing her patent Barbie smile of hers. “As you can see, things aren’t getting any easier for Christina. She has managed to survive just over 24 hours with out a warning from child services, so that is at least some good news. Roo hasn’t resorted to the in game cheats, therefore legal aids to help Christina along… which I don’t see why she hasn’t.”
“I didn’t think she would need it, but maybe I’m wrong.”
Jenn waves. “So, until next time then? More from the holy terror toddlers and their hapless caretaker… until then… ‘This.’”

Toddler This still continues


Anonymous said...

Am I a bad person for not feeling a bit sorry for Christina?

*cackles at the ending parting shot*

Anjel76 said...

Wow. Poor girl! I would NOT want to be in her shoes. Here's hoping that the social worker stays away and all the children end up fairly well-adjusted when they hit their childhood. *comforts poor Christina*

Vicky said...

OMG Poor Christina! LOL. It's hilarious though, despite the fact I wouldn't wanna be in her shoes. Yay for an update!!! *boogies*

Christina said...

Who knew Keth could be so stinky? o.O

Kethwyn said...

Well, maybe if someone got me to the potty faster. *pokes Christina and giggles*

Yay update!

CeeCee said...

Sure I feel sorry for Christina. I am, however, extremely glad that I'm not the primary victim.

Although how I can say that when it was CeeCee's head in the potty I don't know.

Hmmmm, so Keth is snuggling up to the welcome committee, eh? Did she get any extra bottles from them? Did she share? Curious minds want to know. :-D