Thursday, August 5, 2010

‘This’ smoldering Asylum

Sim music plays as the camera comes in to focus. No yelling is heard, no one appears to be missing any CC at the moment and the inmates, erm minionettes are a bit subdued due to their recent loss of their friend.

“There you are. We have an update to do.”
Ruyb continues to bathe and ignore the off camera voice. “Ruyb…”
“I said there is an update to do… get your ass out of the bath and lets do this.”
“I need you to do something for me.”
“Oh for the love of-” The off camera voice stops midsentence, silence is heard, not even a cricket is chirping. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” Ruyb puts the soap aside and stares, challenging the off camera voice. “You do that for me and I’ll cooperate.”
“Interesting… consider it done. Now get out of the tub and let’s get this started.”

Ruyb smiles for the camera as she comes in to view. “Welcome back to ‘This Asylum’ where no one fights, everyone knows how to cook and other than a few aspiration concerns they appear to all be rather content.” She sighs for a moment, her smile slips and she shrugs at the off camera voice. “I can only be chipper and bubbly for short periods of time without some drama to keep me interested. So what’s next?”
“I’m not sure but I would guess the title should be some indication of what’s next.”

“Toots is plugging along at her required three skills for her LTW of Capt. Simarica.”
“It’s not Cap-tain Sim-ar-i-ca.” Toots manages to speak each syllable in rhythm with her hops. “It’s Cap-tain He-ro!”
Ruyb smirks, “Easy for you to say.”
“Not real-ly. I just don’t want to have to start all o-ver a-gain.”
Ruyb stares at the off camera voice. “I’m supposed to work with this?”
“Mhmm… we made a deal.”

Ruyb takes a deep breath and tries again. “Seeing how Toots is rather busy at the moment, I am simply going to give you the 411 here. Heather was hungry… Heather was stinky… Heather went to make something to eat only to leave it cooking on the stove while she went to take her shower. Naturally, as with any food left on the stove too long, it began to overcook.”

“Unfortunately Heather didn’t go back to cooking and soon the spaghetti was in flames. Thankfully our hero in training is home and manages to call for help. Fire department arrives to save the day, puts the fire out and all is right in Pleasantview.”

“The girls still get along great. Even Tracy has gotten over her hate of dirty jokes. Either that or they stopped telling her the dirty jokes. Either way they eat together, play together and are happily boring Roo to near drama intervention.”
“Hey! No ad-libbing.”
“I’m surprised you don’t have a picture of Vicky making a snowman.”
“I don’t?” Shuffling papers can be heard off screen followed by a photographer getting fired. “Hmm, that’s a shame.”

“Just about the time when Roo was ready to throw in the proverbial towel and give in to drama temptation, it happened.” Ruyb bites her lip and tilts her head. “No, I’m not talking about that; no one cares what I’ve been up to.”
The off camera voice sighs, another chuckles, once more a photographer is fired.
Ruyb brings the focus back to the update. “I’m referring to the drama that one sim managed to create for the household, the drama so intense the household will never be the same again. In one simple move she managed to rock the whole asylum to an extent even Roo was left in awe.”

“You see… Christina passed out. Christina passed out on her way to bed. Only it isn’t that simple. Things never are. Christina passed out on her way to bed having left a pastry in the oven. That of course isn’t the end of things. That too is simple. Alas, Christina passed out on her way to bed having left a pastry in the oven to burn shortly after 9 am.”

“Now I’m sure you’re asking what the significance is about the time. Yes any time is a bad time for a kitchen fire but gentle readers, Toots leaves for work…” Ruyb pauses for affect, “at 9 am.”

“The first to start the ‘ack, fire’ dance is Tracy and Magic. Not to be out done, they are soon joined by Vicky and Heather. The four dance their ‘ack, fire’ dance to the beat only heard to a sim faced with an out of control fire and this, gentle readers, is an out of control fire.”

“The hungry flames quickly consumed the stove and licked the air in its hunt for more. Tile apparently burns in an asylum and it crept its way towards Tracy. As Roo yelled at the screen in vain for the silly sims to move out of the way, the dance continues.”

“As the flames spread, it claims its first victim. Tracy’s dance changes from the ‘ack, fire’ dance to the ‘my ass is on fire’ dance. The hungry flames are not sated by one sim and claims a second.”

“Undeterred Magic and Heather continue their dance in hopes of appeasing the fire. Grimmy has come to claim his prizes and still the girls ‘ack, fire’ dance.”

“The fire lives, it changes it shifts, it grows it dies and still the sims dance to its tune. Magic and Heather are joined by Deb, the trio continue to flounder and dance. Roo continues to beat her head against the monitor. Her new mantra of ‘no, no, no’ falls on deaf ears. The sims dance on ignoring her pleas. They dance to the fire, they dance the ‘ack, fire’ dance.”

“Just as you think the flame is finished, that the dance will end, its hunger brings it back. That’s right, gentle readers, the dance is not over. For now the one who started it all has at last woken. It is time for Christina to join the ‘ack, fire’ dance.

“The fire shifts, it consumes more, it changes pace and the girls move accordingly. Four girls remain to dance, four move to the song of the fire. The fire builds growing ever higher until the chime of the clock strikes three.”

“Huzzah she says, run Toots run! Call the fire department and save who you can. Toots dutifully runs in but is called by the siren song of the fire. Ignoring the head banging noises of Roo she runs in to the flames. Yes, gentle readers, Toots ran in to the flame. Yet our hero in training did not just burn, she danced.”

“Every attempt to sway the hero towards the phones was thwarted by the flames call. To punish her further the flame claimed another. Our hero in training did her best to take her back but the flame won again.”

“Through gritted teeth, screaming and fussing, Roo managed to coerce our hero away from the fire long enough to make the call for rescue. The flame was enraged. How dare she call the fire department? To show it has no fear, the flame grabbed for another! Christina yelped and danced her heart out.”

“Fire department to the rescue! Mitch came in time to save our Christina. The flame was so angry it grabbed Magic. Only it was no match for the men in uniform. The firemen handled the fire with ease. After hours of dancing the ‘ack, fire’ dance the ladies are exhausted, smelly and hungry.”

Back to ‘This’ Asylum


Christina said...

Darn those pop tarts! There's a reason you're supposed to use a toaster for them... Wow, what a violent update!

Lisa said...

O.o Minionettes wish for drama, drama happens.

Toots said...

WoW!, This is making me want to not play SL or WoW, and play the sims! Just wondering how this challenge would be played in the sims 3...gah dang you Roo!

I love this though it is soo funny..the sims are so funny!

Anjel76 said...


Dang ... that's a lot of points lost to the hunger of the fire!!


Tracy said...

I thought I had commented here. I can see the carnage (not to mention the gruesome end of my simself) left me speechless.

I'm surprised you didn't crack the monitor screen with all that headbanging.. I know I would have!

DebC said...

*gasp* I'm dead! Poor little Sim-Deb! Ah well, at least it wasn't zombies...

That's a lot more than Drama, Roo. Utter destruction, more like it. ;-)